The Insomniac's Guide to Buffy‏

Ok, so you know why I'm crazy? I could not sleep last nite because I couldn't stop thinking about Buffy. I think my body didn't understand why I couldn't give it its fix this week. Before I get into what I was thinking about, I want to address some of what you said. Yeah, more often than not, I want the good guys to always win on Buffy, even if it isn't true to life. But I think that the thing about Buffy that makes it so true to life, is that they always do win, but at the expense of someone or something. That said, in a season where they are supposed to be "growing up," and without any real authority figures or guides (besides the Giles/Spike watcher-in-training "Restless" thing, which isn't at all apparent to Buffy), I think it's important that they are making bad decisions. And with these bad decisions will come terrible consequences. When Will goes bad, I really hope the Scoobs don't just think it was the magic. Knowing Buffy at least, I'm sure she'll shoulder some of the blame. Ideally, I'd like to see all of them see that the real "big bads" of the season have been themselves; that because they all became distant from one another and seemed not to care anymore, that all their own decisions have been leading up to this. That Xander pushed Will to magic, whether he meant to or not, when he made her the “leader” when Buffy was gone. That because they have all refused to grow up, that's why things suck. Sure, Buffy wanted to do the responsible thing and take the blame for Katrina's death, but not because she wanted to do the right thing, just because she didn't want to live her own life. She hasn't grow up (yet) this season, she's gone backwards, or should we just assume that her little speech to dawn in "The Gift" was to shut her up and not actually signs of maturity. I don't want Will to go bad. I never have. When I first heard rumblings at the beginning of the season, I was upset. But seeing as where the season seems to be going, I think it fits. Especially with Will's character. As much as I have always loved her, and always rooted for her, looking back, it seems almost pointless because of her character flaws. As I see it, the biggest problem with Will is that she never grows up; she never learns from her past of her mistakes, she hides from them. What does it mean for her to have gone from being a nerdy high-schooler who answered to anyone but herself to a confident, beautiful young woman seemingly in control of her life? Nobody knows, not even Will herself because she doesn't consider "nerdy Will" to be part of her. It's like part of her life that never even existed. She never seemed to grow from it, but just to ignore it. The same thing with the magic problems. She's not learning from what she was and what she was doing, she just knows that she can't be that Will anymore. She doesn't even seem to know why, only that if she's magic-less Will, Tara will talk to her (much like nerd-less Will had Oz, at least in her mind). Her problem was not the use of magic, but the reliance on it to make her life what she wanted it to be. Tara saw that and tried to show her, but she didn't get it; she still doesn't. If she did, I think they wouldn't have had to make her go "cold turkey" and she could still have saved them in "Normal Again." I mean, how could she sit there and watch as Buffy unleashed this demon on her friends--her freakin best friends for God's sake--and not do a damn thing because then she'd be "back on the wagon." Same applies to "Older..."--though it might not have done any good then. So, anyway, what I'm trying to say is that in a season that is focused on "growing up," it seems only natural for the character that has never grown, only changed, to be eliminated. (You don't know how bad I feel writing these terrible things about Will.) To sacrifice the only one that has actually grown, is typical Buffy. Tho you are right about Tara in that some of her growth as a character and a Scoob has been forced, even though I think her character was stronger before the break-up which helped her deal with it better. But the Tara/Buffy relationship, I think, has been there, at least beneath the surface since "Restless," but I could have dealt without Buffy calling her "honey" or "sweetie" or whatever. Anya reading her the vows was silly, since most of the time it's like Anya doesn't even know Tara's there. However, there is a lot in their lives we don't see, which is why I like that there are so many questions. That's not to say that they shouldn't have dealt with Buffy almost killing Faith or Giles attacking Angel. But Giles killing Ben.....I don't know if I agree with you there. When he did it, that was it. I don't think he even thought twice about taking a human life, because, honestly, I would have done the same thing. And how could they deal with it anyway? He was the only one who knew what actually happened. Giles is a master at hiding how he actually feels, I'm sure no one ever found out about it, and he's more than happy with that. I never really saw Ben as completely human anyway. Yeah, Giles is flawed. He yells at Willow and warns her about dark magicks, but he never does anything. And I think that’s consistent with his character. It’s not a problem of the show’s, per se, it’s a problem with the character of Giles. All her ever gave Will was a warning in passing, never told her what could happen. It would have been great for Giles to put a stop to her delvings, but the only person he ever showed real discipline with was Buffy, and she didn’t listen to him 90% of the time. Now, I don’t really want to make excuses for his part in Will’s descent, but that’s just how he’s always been. And I think that that was part of the reason why he went back to England; almost as if he doesn’t see it, it’s not happening. Flawed and immature, yes, but consistent. (All this character bashing is making me ill.) So, you know what’s missing from this season? The mythology, probably my favorite aspect of Buffy. We get little things like Spike suit in “Tabula Rasa” and the Giles “training” Spike stuff below the surface, but nothing really more than that. That is, of course, unless you consider the point that the Cheese Man was in reference to “I am the Cheese” by Robert Cormier, like the dude at the Spoiler Slayer said. This is one of the things I was thinking about last night. I hade never read “I am the Cheese” until it was mentioned on the Spoiler Slayer. I picked it up a few weeks ago and read it (really good, if you haven’t read it), and I can totally see the “Normal Again” stuff. It’s about this kid that thinks he’s riding his bike across a few towns so he can find his father, but in truth, he’s in a mental institution. When he thinks of his dad he remembers that he used to sing “The Farmer in the Dell” with him…“The cheese stands alone…” Hmmmmm…..So, I’ve always thought that the cheese symbolized being the slayer. “I wear the cheese, the cheese does not wear me.” or “I created being the slayer, it’s not actually part of me?” Willow tells Riley that Buffy likes cheese. Buffy likes being the slayer, she *chooses* to be the slayer. And the slayer always stands alone. Which I thought was a reference to her sacrificing herself to save the world (or really to save Dawn), but maybe it’s that she’s all by herself, inside her head? As much as I don’t like it, it kinda makes sense, right? It’s not just my crazy interpretation-trained brain finding connections where there are none, right? Just something to think about, even though I don’t like to think about the whole thing being made up, I guess it sorta could be… More about the mythology, I hope after Tara dies, we finally find out why she was the voice of the First Slayer. I have always wondered about that. I’ve always thought that Tara was “sent” to them, to be a guide and a comfort for Buffy. In S4 as the voice, in S5, when Joyce died, and now when Buffy seems to be lost. And if she was sent, it makes more sense that her death is going to be this wake up call, this example for everyone else. So who is Tara? That is my question. So, I really don’t mind the gloom. In fact, I kinda like it because most of the time, life is gloomy. I want them to win. I want Will to be a good guy. But I also want Buffy to be true to life, and I think by exploiting these flaws in major characters, it rings more and more true. It’s gonna be sad to watch. But most of Buffy’s best moments are the sad ones. They are the heart-wrenching ones. They’re also the most natural ones. And Will’s upcoming actions are natural. It’s what I would feel if it happened to me. And if she were more mature and strong, she would find another way to deal with it. But, sadly, she isn’t, so it seems like the only path she can take is the wrong one. So, that’s it for now, I think. I’m all depressed now because I feel like I’ve given up on one of my favorite TV characters ever. But the rest of Buffy still remains to be seen. Will could be saved. Hopefully. Maybe. Shoddily?

BSD x 2?

Sorry it's been awhile since my last email. Lately, I've been shifting between extreme Buffy highs and lows. You know, if they wanted to do a *real* addiction storyline, they should have used good TV shows instead of magic. Will could be going through the trials and tribulations of being an everyday TV fanatic. The season could hit it's highpoint on the day that Will finds out that her favorite character is being killed off and month and a half before it will actually happen. She will then go into deep withdrawal and depression and almost freak out during an episode when she knows it;s not going to happen, but it looks like it could because the crazy lead character trips her favorite character while she is running down some stairs and for two brief seconds she thinks that her favorite character is already dead. But then, when she realizes that the character still is living and the decent filler episode she just watched anded in an unfullfilling way and she has 5 weeks to wait until a new episode when the good stuff can start to happen, then Will can start getting the shakes a la "Wrecked." Though missing clever metaphors because TV *is* actually addictive, I think it's a fairly convincing idea. I should sit down with Marti and discuss it. Anyway, let's get to talking about Buffy. I liked "NOrmal Again." I like "Hell's Bells" too. I no longer look for other Buffy-watchers opinions on the net, cuz they all piss me off with their "I wish that Willow was a nerd" and "No, Buffy and Spike should not be together, Angel is her soulmate..." and "Well, this is what is *wrong* with this season and if I were the exec producer of Buffy, I'd kill Dawn, Anya, Tara, and Spike and bring back Giles, Angel and Cordelia and make them go back to high school and not let them grow up. That's because my favorite season is the second one." So, anyway, I liked "Normal" not for the irritating ending, but because the acting was first-rate ( I can even overlook Dawn's "Nobody likes me, I should just leave" outburst) and because Joyce (poor Joyce) was back. Why would I watch the show if it was all made up? (Despite the fact that I do watch the show because it is all made up....) But "Normal" was ok, regardless. So onto the speculation. Tara will die, right? If this all comes to pass and Will does go bad, then THEY HAVE TO KILL WILLOW TOO. There is no way they can redeem her. Warren may be a bad dude, but he's still a dude. I can think of nothing they can do to save Will unless they kill her. Warren is a human and they can't have Will rot in jail and the Scoobs couldn't just ignore the killing of a human, right? So maybe it's a double BSD? Or maybe this stuff about a reversal is true, but the dude at the spoiler slayer is right too--it realy wouldn't fit. They're becoming adults, they have to take responsibilities for all their actions. There's not always an easy way out. If Will's addiction says anything to me, it says that people can't live in their own world of magic and easy answers. It's about facing the world as a person who has to get by by him or herself. So, I'm curious where they're going and I'm really excited about the end of the season. I mentioned awhile ago that the Will/Tara is like the Giles/Jenny in S2. I wonder if they'll mention that at all, because Giles did go out for revenge and almost got himself killed. The combination of Buffy slapping him around and his own common sense and maturity saved him. So, if what we are hearing all does come to pass, are we going to see how immature and senseless Willow is? It seems like she's going to take those steps that she couldn't with Oz and Veruca. Ugh, I wish I knew and I'm glad I don't, you know? What are your thoughts on all this? Where do you think Buffy's headed? Does any of this email make sense? Only you can answer these questions for me! Wish I could write more, but I gotta run. If I get a chance, I'll email you again soon with more random thoughts. If not, I'll just reply to your reply.