My 5 Step Plan for 24‏

Now, I wasn't going to email you guys today, because I thought last night's episode wasn't really worth it. But I was thinking about it this morning and I realized that it was probably the weirdest episode of 24 that I have ever seen. I'm yearning for the good ol' days of 24 when leaps of logic meant that Jack nearly died in one episode and was up and about in the next. Right now, leaps in logic involve the introduction of Rain Man (and the softer side of Kiefer), the continued craziness that is the vice president and the miraculous recovery of faux-President Palmer (he went from crashing to lucid in less than 5 minutes), the repeated references to the events in CTU: Denver, and that wacky kiss between Milo and Nadia. The kiss is what sent me over the edge. Wasn't it just 12 hours ago that Milo and Morris were having a pissing contest over Chloe? How did they get from that to Chloe saying that EVERYBODY knows that Milo has a thing for Nadia? So, here is my 5 step plan that could have improved last night's episode:1. After kissing Nadia, Milo collapses on the floor, dead because Nadia had just put on poisonous lipstick. After his collapse, Nadia picks him up and hides his body in the men's room. She then grabs her phone, and calls...2. President Logan, who not only faked his almost-death two weeks ago, but has taken down and killed the men that were tending to him in the ambulance. He now speaks with a Russian accent and calls himself Boris Duvenko, and reveals that his plan is moving forward, a plan that was initiated to avenge the death of his daughter...3. Nina Myers, who even though she died years ago, has been preserved in a large tube filled with formaldehyde. Duvenko/Logan tells Nadia to commence the second phase of their plan. She runs to her computer and inputs some codes. We then cut to a dirty cellar, a small ray of sunlight shining in through a small window near the ceiling. A caption at the bottom of the screen identifies this location as...4. Beijing, China. The camera immediately moves to the legs of a chair in which a prisoner is tied. The camera slowly moves up, revealing that the prisoner is none other than Jack Bauer! He opens his eyes and asks "How?" to his interrogator, someone he knows very well...5. It is his wife Teri, long thought dead. She reveals through a long scene of exposition how after he left her lifeless body, Nina took her and nursed her back to heath. Together they raised millions of dollars on the black market and started their own company, producing artificial intelligence. She also notes that their first prototype, the Bauer 2400, has been sent in his place to America and is not only an evil robot, but in its core is a nuclear warhead. She also reveals that Gredenko and Fayed knew about her evil plan and they have been attempting to destroy the Bauer 2400 for the last 12 hours because they are good, misunderstood terrorists and do not want to see America devastated again. Jack stares at her, open-mouthed as the episode comes to an end...